Children bring about the biggest changes in you as a person
Whenever I think I have had so much in my life that nothing more can change in it, my daughter does something to ensure there is a huge change and I am left again coping with something new.
I wonder if things ever really become a little stabilized with kids?
When you think of kid, you think crying , howling, laughs and giggles, but now I am thinking of how will I leave this bundle and go to work. I am a person who should be working, educated and I do have something which I can give society. All said and done, how do I get myself to leave my daughter and go to work. Initially I just did not think I would be able to leave her in anyone’s care. Then came the time when I thought that I need to let her be alone a little and also I need to let her understand that she will be at places where I will always not be there. This started the whole bit of starting to work part time and also at my convenience. I am not too sure whether that made much of a difference as I was just away for 2-3 hours a day.
As the new year comes I plan on starting her with play school maybe for a few hours a day. This will make things interesting for her and I will also be able to handle my day better. I can cut back on the hours of help I need and also I would be able to get some amount of work done through the day as I can expect her to be asleep in the afternoons. In spite of knowing all this, I do not see myself going back to corporate work anytime soon. In fact I do not know how I will be able to manage the schedule which I would need to juggle.
How would I drop and pick Tee up? How would I ensure that the help is not letting her watch TV the whole day and do nothing? How would I know that she is eating properly or is she just eating biscuits and being happy?
Maybe I am just obsessive about the level of control I need to have? Am I ? I do not know. But, I can not see any other way to go about it. And when I think of it, I only see this situation worsening if I have another kid, which I do eventually plan to have if all goes well. Given such a situation, I do not see how anything any different is going to happen. In fact, on the contrary, I think things will become a little more difficult.
I have been thinking of starting up something on my own. A source of satisfaction and income for me. I feel that being just a SAHM is not for me. But would I rather be the working full time mom, that is also not a possibility. This leaves just the space where I can start something on my own, and on my own terms.
It seems to me that all I do is complain, but is there anything other than complain which I can do? I am at a stage where I do not seem to know how to maneuver my life. What I feel is that I have a loveless life, and the irony of it all, I married for love! I just seem to see this whole marriage as a huge sham and I do not know what I can do.
We are a stage that now we do nothing but sleep in separate rooms, have our meals together ( at times) , and sit in the same room doing different things. I guess you can say that this is the stage where you would be so comfortable in each other’s company?? But, that is not what I am looking for? I think I still want the love and expression. I want to be cherished, maybe I just will never have enough of that, and that seems to be too kiddish to him. I am even willing to accept that, but when did no expression become the no adulthood karma?
A very intermittent blog this has been. A place for me to vent? Maybe. But, also a place where I wished to write out those things which I learnt while raising my child.
More than a year and now I have a running, babbling kid who knows where I go and what I do. Someone who follows me around and who likes to know all that I do. Someone who wants me to read to her and sit and play with her. Someone who loves going for walks and going out in the car.
A year where I have felt feelings which I did not know of and seeing my life change in ways I had never imagined. This makes one think and truly cherish the time that you have. You really do not know when what will change. And things might just change forever. There would be no chance to see the past, experience it or know what is it that you loved about it. Everything is a one way road. I think I have realized this the hard way. I have started to cherish my days and enjoy them. I know I will never get it back. I need to know that I had everything I wanted, as there is no tomorrow.
Being a parent is a very stressful job and one which might take a toll on your temper too. Days when you want to shout at anyone willing to listen and days when you want to go and sleep the day, or with a book in bed. Parenting makes you feel loved and wonderful, but it also does make you see how life would be ahead. It’s a different story altogether now and something which would require some getting used to.
How much does sex matter when you are a mother?
I think it matters pretty much the same way as for any woman. She has her needs and she would certainly like it to be satisfied by her husband than herself.
Then, do husbands think the wives do not enjoy it anymore? Or is she more interested to be thinking about the child always? What is the reason for husbands to move away from this small thing which makes a hell of a difference?
Do the mother seem non appealing to you … now that she has a child in tow and she is not the free bird who you married? But don’t you forget that you are also a part reason she is a mother too. If because of her being a mother, you find her any less appealing, then maybe its time you thought how this marriage is going to work.
Many mothers would love to have some peace and a warm bed to rest in at night, and someone to hold them and be with them through this taxing time, but if you think thats too much to ask, then again, maybe your concept of a marriage and companionship does not reel in with the modern woman.
When is a father born?
I have heard many times a saying that a mother is born when the child is born. I completely agree with it also. But when is a father born?
When do they start to bond with the child? Is the bonding only there when they are involved in the child’s activities? Or is it that it just finally dawns on then that they have a child now! How does it really work?
I am really perplexed as to how and when do they feel anything for this child that they have fathered. I have a husband who will not do anything , and by that I mean as a regular routine. Her bath, sleep, feed, nothing. All he does is play with her for exactly 10 mins everyday. Is this because she is too small to demand or she is too small to play with. I play with her, I read her books, he just does not seem to do anything. Is this normal? I am very very disturbed frankly with what I see. Its like I am a single parent at times, except for the monetary aspect.
My daughter turned 10 months, he has not bought her a single toy till date. He feels she has no liking towards toys and she does not need any toy, rather she will play with the toys she has. I feel very sad. I do buy her things, but I feel why is it that he has never had an inclination to buy anything for her. It has been always me who even has to say about getting her new clothes or anything. It just never comes from him.
I am frustrated.
Let us start at the very beginning. I did not put on too many kilos to start with, there was a natural increase, but then that stopped when I delivered and was breast feeding. Now, it has come where I am not breastfeeding actively anymore, as Tee has started on formula feed, and a semi solid diet. This was also accompanied with my increase in waistline. I noticed it almost after a month, as now the body starts to ask for more food, and I do not want to give my body anymore food than required.
Apart from this, I also want to look at exercise, as I see that there is a part of me which has started with the aches and I know this is the inactivity speaking. I feel that I need to get myself together and then alone will I be able to work through this weight putting on phase. Everyone had warned me that you will put on kilos once you stop breastfeeding, and that is something which I have been doing. Now, I have realized that, and now it is time for some control to be enforced and put a stop to the same.
As a start, a check on the food intake and one of the most important things I have seen is that I need to start phase out dinner as a meal, an convert it to small snack. I want to keep breakfast healthy and lunch on a full meal like.
Apart from the food side, I also want to start with an hour long gym session as soon as possible. This will help me curb the inactivity which has set into my life and keep fit. I wish to start off with cardio intensive and then start with weights gradually, but eventually I want to move onto more weights and a very basic cardio workout.
I think I was petrified. And then I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. I was about to just pick up the phone and call the husband, and demand we go to the doctor ASAP, but some sense came over me and I decided that let me just see how Tee takes it. She stopped crying in a min but I could see there was a small nick and there was a drop of blood. I swiftly cleaned in with a wet cotton ball and then put some baby cream on it. She was not too happy with me touching it, but then somehow put it for her.
So now that we have started with the hurt count, I do not know how it would be panning out.
How did she fall?
Tee has been trying to stand, in fact she has been standing with the support of her rocker pushed against the wall now. This time the rocker was adjacent to the chair, and she tried to move from the rocker to the chair, by carefully moving her one hand to the chair. Till then all was good. But, when she moved her other hand to the chair, she slipped and fell down scrapping her forehead against the chair and hence the nick. I was close by, but was just allowing her to do what she wants. I just wanted to be close by to see what she does and to catch her of she happens to trip. At least that was the plan. It did not work out, which is a completely different story altogether.
Was I doing something wrong? I thought the best way for her to learn was to do things herself and discover. She learnt how to stand with the help of her rocker all by herself. So, I thought this was really the best way to learn. But, maybe I need to re-think this strategy after yesterday.
Sleep is something which I have seen with experience gains a great deal of importance once you have a child. The initial few months go by in a blur with getting up at odd hours and being awake at the most insane hours to feed your wee one. Then things start to get better and the lil one starts to sleep better, but then one asks when is that you start sleep training, or lets say putting a routine into place. And I think that routine is very important as this is what the baby associates with time to sleep. This time setting is also a part of sleep training. I have been reading a fair bit about sleep training, and this is because I think somewhere I did something wrong. And the wrong thing that I did was to breastfeed my kid through the night, as I thought she would be able to get the requisite sleep only this way. If I did not feed, she would fidget, cry and end up with both if us not sleeping. This might have been the easy way out for me, but I did think that I would be able to change it in the coming times. This is where I was more wrong. Once a pattern is set, undoing the damage is worse and more time consuming.
So, Routine..
The first step top trying to get a baby to bed is setting this routine. Routine is nothing but a set pattern which you follow with your baby prior to sleep time. A pattern which helps the baby understand that it is time to sleep. They do not read clocks, so we are just helping them read their body signs. A routine can consist of a bath, oil rub, diaper change, change to sleep wear, lullabies or songs which the baby already associates with sleep will only help all the more.
Night 1
The chances are that your baby will get up many times through the night, as there is a change in the way things are being done. I, for one, was trying to get my daughter to start sleeping in the crib, and also ensure that she has a timed feeding pattern. For me, co – sleeping was just not working out as it was getting very tiresome for me by morning in spite of having a full night’s sleep. I felt the sleep was not a true sleep if I did not sleep in the position I wanted and more over relaxed.
Night 2
On the whole the night was not very different from Night 1, but I felt that she was more prepared to be put into the crib once she is asleep. And quite a few times she did go back to sleep on just patting her while in the crib itself.
The feeds on both nights were just one around 2-3 AM and then again at 6-7 AM. I think this is a very adjustable thing for me, as during the day also, her feed times are usually 5-6 hours apart. And I also believe that she does not drink to her full when she is being breast fed.
Night 3
There was a marked improvement which I could see. Night feed was at 10 PM and she slept off at 10: 45 PM, but woke up around midnight, and quickly went off to sleep on just being patted. After this, she woke up at 3 AM for her feed, and then on sleeping next she woke up at 7 : 30 AM, again for her feed. So, overall, the process seems to be working. And the morning naps have also started to be an hour long, and not small short naps anymore.
I think she knows that she is being put in the crib, and not does not mind it anymore. That is a good change which has been brought about. I will write again about a more concrete update in another month’s time.
Image Source: http://ycpics.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Mother-and-baby-sleeping4.jpg
Recently I spoke to some friends who have children, and something which I realized was that there are so many restrictions on a new mom by elders, and when we do not know what is right or not, you just follow them blindly. But, on speaking to people from different parts of India, the thing which I realized was that every place has its own list of restricted items, and this is based on the staple diet of that place.
Some of the restrictions and allowances which I found out are:
Kerala
1. No lentil varieties ( Lentil is bound to give a bout of colic to the baby)
2. Preference for rice over wheat ( Heavier and better for lactation)
3. Mother expected to have asafoetida in sufficient quantities (Relieves Colic)
4. No curd (Cold foods not allowed)
5. Very less oil, nothing fried ( Baby will upset stomach)
6. Garlic and important part of diet for mother ( Increases lactation and prevents colic)
7. Fish is to be had in plenty, for great calcium and iodine.
8. Meat is to restricted.
Delhi
1. No rice ( Rice is said to be a cold item, and hence will not suit the kid)
2. No spices ( Baby will upset stomach )
3. Less quantities of oil ( Baby will upset stomach )
4. Poppy seeds cooked in milk ( Will increase lactation)
Karnataka
1. No spices (Baby will upset stomach)
2. No curd ( Cold foods not allowed)
3. Lentils allowed
4. No wheat, only rice and rice preparations.
So what I realized was that, apart from a few specific restrictions, the diet as I see it is mostly what the mother should ideally be used to prior to delivery. So, now the question comes, when the mother has her own diet which is different from this, and then this specific diet is enforced, is that needed and does it work? I think its is best to avoid oil and spices, but apart from that the rest I am not sure if it has any real medical sense to it. It seems more like a midwife tale which is followed and like I said its more like sticking to the same diet what you were at prior to delivery even after.
Are you aware of any other such restrictions?
Image Source: http://www.washingtonpost.com/rf/image_606w/2010-2019/WashingtonPost/2011/03/15/LocalLiving/Images/we-eatdrink17-broccoli.jpg
The Kid Question 