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Children bring …

13 Nov

Children bring about the biggest changes in you as a person

Whenever I think I have had so much in my life that nothing more can change in it, my daughter does something to ensure there is a huge change and I am left again coping with something new.

I wonder if things ever really become a little stabilized with kids?

Getting back

7 Dec

When you think of kid, you think crying , howling, laughs and giggles, but now I am thinking of how will I leave this bundle and go to work. I am a person who should be working, educated and I do have something which I can give society. All said and done, how do I get myself to leave my daughter and go to work. Initially I just did not think I would be able to leave her in anyone’s care. Then came the time when I thought that I need to let her be alone a little and also I need to let her understand that she will be at places where I will always not be there. This started the whole bit of starting to work part time and also at my convenience. I am not too sure whether  that made much of a difference as I was just away for 2-3 hours a day.

As the new year comes I plan on starting her with play school maybe for a few hours a day. This will make things interesting for her and I will also be able to handle my day better. I can cut back on the hours of help I need and also I would be able to get some amount of work done through the day as I can expect her to be asleep in the afternoons. In spite of knowing all this, I do not see myself going back to corporate work anytime soon. In fact I do not know how I will be able to manage the schedule which I would need to juggle.

How would I drop and pick Tee up? How would I ensure that the help is not letting her watch TV the whole day and do nothing? How would I know that she is eating properly or is she just eating biscuits and being happy?

Maybe I am just obsessive about the level of control I need to have? Am I ? I do not know. But, I can not see any other way to go about it. And when I think of it, I only see this situation worsening if I have another kid, which I do eventually plan to have if all goes well. Given such a situation, I do not see how anything any different is going to happen. In fact, on the contrary, I think things will become a little more difficult.

I have been thinking of starting up something on my own. A source of satisfaction and income for me. I feel that being just a SAHM is not for me. But would I rather be the working full time mom, that is also not a possibility. This leaves just the space where I can start something on my own, and on my own terms.

*sigh

7 Jul

It seems to me that all I do is complain, but is there anything other than complain which I can do? I am at a stage where I do not seem to know how to maneuver my life. What I feel is that I have a loveless life, and the irony of it all, I married for love! I just seem to see this whole marriage as a huge sham and I do not know what I can do. 

We are a stage that now we do nothing but sleep in separate rooms, have our meals together ( at times) , and sit in the same room doing different things. I guess you can say that this is the stage where you would be so comfortable in each other’s company?? But, that is not what I am looking for? I think I still want the love and expression. I want to be cherished, maybe I just will never have enough of that, and that seems to be too kiddish to him. I am even willing to accept that, but when did no expression become the no adulthood karma? 

A little over a year

30 May

A very intermittent blog this has been. A place for me to vent? Maybe. But, also a place where I wished to write out those things which I learnt while raising my child.

More than a year and now I have a running, babbling kid who knows where I go and what I do. Someone who follows me around and who likes to know all that I do. Someone who wants me to read to her and sit and play with her. Someone who loves going for walks and going out in the car.

A year where I have felt feelings which I did not know of and seeing my life change in ways I had never imagined. This makes one think and truly cherish the time that you have. You really do not know when what will change. And things might just change forever. There would be no chance to see the past, experience it or know what is it that you loved about it. Everything is a one way road. I think I have realized this the hard way. I have started to cherish my days and enjoy them. I know I will never get it back. I need to know that I had everything I wanted, as there is no tomorrow.

Being a parent is a very stressful job and one which might take a toll on your temper too. Days when you want to shout at anyone willing to listen and days when you want to go and sleep the day, or  with a book in bed. Parenting makes you feel loved and wonderful, but it also does make you see how life would be ahead. It’s a different story altogether now and something which would require some getting used to.

The stuff

30 Mar

How much does sex matter when you are a mother?

I think it matters pretty much the same way as for any woman. She has her needs and she would certainly like it to be satisfied by her husband than herself.

Then, do husbands think the wives do not enjoy it anymore? Or is she more interested to be thinking about the child always? What is the reason for husbands to move away from this small thing which makes a hell of a difference?

Do the mother seem non appealing to you … now that she has a child in tow and she is not the free bird who you married? But don’t you forget that you are also a part reason she is a mother too. If because of her being a mother, you find her any less appealing, then maybe its time you thought how this marriage is going to work.

Many mothers would love to have some peace and a warm bed to rest in at night, and someone to hold them and be with them through this taxing time, but if you think thats too much to ask, then again, maybe your concept of a marriage and companionship does not reel in with the modern woman.

Father

10 Mar

When is a father born?

I have heard many times a saying that a mother is born when the child is born. I completely agree with it also. But when is a father born?

When do they start to bond with the child? Is the bonding only there when they are involved in the child’s activities? Or is it that it just finally dawns on then that they have a child now! How does it really work?

I am really perplexed as to how and when do they feel anything for this child that they have fathered. I have a husband who will not  do anything , and by that I mean as a regular routine. Her bath, sleep, feed, nothing. All he does is play with her for exactly 10 mins everyday. Is this because she is too small to demand or she is too small to play with. I play with her, I read her books, he just does not seem to do anything. Is this normal? I am very very disturbed frankly with what I see. Its like I am a single parent at times, except for the monetary aspect.

My daughter turned 10 months, he has not bought her a single toy till date. He feels she has no liking towards toys and she does not need any toy, rather she will play with the toys she has. I feel very sad. I do buy her things, but I feel why is it that he has never had an inclination to buy anything for her. It has been always me who even has to say about getting her new clothes or anything. It just never comes from him.

I am frustrated.

Weight loss post partum

4 Jan

Let us start at the very beginning. I did not put on too many kilos to start with, there was a natural increase, but then that stopped when I delivered and was breast feeding. Now, it has come where I am not breastfeeding actively anymore, as Tee has started on formula feed, and a semi solid diet. This was also accompanied with my increase in waistline. I noticed it almost after a month, as now the body starts to ask for more food, and I do not want to give my body anymore food than required.

Apart from this, I also want to look at exercise, as I see that there is a part of me which has started with the aches and I know this is the inactivity speaking. I feel that I need to get myself together and then alone will I be able to work through this weight putting on phase. Everyone had warned me that you will put on kilos once you stop breastfeeding, and that is something which I have been doing. Now, I have realized that, and now it is time for some control to be enforced and put a stop to the same.

As a start, a check on the food intake and one of the most important things I have seen is that I need to start phase out dinner as a meal, an convert it to small snack. I want to keep breakfast healthy and lunch on a full meal like.

Apart from the food side, I also want to start with an hour long gym session as soon as possible. This will help me curb the inactivity which has set into my life and keep fit. I wish to start off with cardio intensive and then start with weights gradually, but eventually I want to move onto more weights and a very basic cardio workout.

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