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Getting back

7 Dec

When you think of kid, you think crying , howling, laughs and giggles, but now I am thinking of how will I leave this bundle and go to work. I am a person who should be working, educated and I do have something which I can give society. All said and done, how do I get myself to leave my daughter and go to work. Initially I just did not think I would be able to leave her in anyone’s care. Then came the time when I thought that I need to let her be alone a little and also I need to let her understand that she will be at places where I will always not be there. This started the whole bit of starting to work part time and also at my convenience. I am not too sure whether  that made much of a difference as I was just away for 2-3 hours a day.

As the new year comes I plan on starting her with play school maybe for a few hours a day. This will make things interesting for her and I will also be able to handle my day better. I can cut back on the hours of help I need and also I would be able to get some amount of work done through the day as I can expect her to be asleep in the afternoons. In spite of knowing all this, I do not see myself going back to corporate work anytime soon. In fact I do not know how I will be able to manage the schedule which I would need to juggle.

How would I drop and pick Tee up? How would I ensure that the help is not letting her watch TV the whole day and do nothing? How would I know that she is eating properly or is she just eating biscuits and being happy?

Maybe I am just obsessive about the level of control I need to have? Am I ? I do not know. But, I can not see any other way to go about it. And when I think of it, I only see this situation worsening if I have another kid, which I do eventually plan to have if all goes well. Given such a situation, I do not see how anything any different is going to happen. In fact, on the contrary, I think things will become a little more difficult.

I have been thinking of starting up something on my own. A source of satisfaction and income for me. I feel that being just a SAHM is not for me. But would I rather be the working full time mom, that is also not a possibility. This leaves just the space where I can start something on my own, and on my own terms.

A little over a year

30 May

A very intermittent blog this has been. A place for me to vent? Maybe. But, also a place where I wished to write out those things which I learnt while raising my child.

More than a year and now I have a running, babbling kid who knows where I go and what I do. Someone who follows me around and who likes to know all that I do. Someone who wants me to read to her and sit and play with her. Someone who loves going for walks and going out in the car.

A year where I have felt feelings which I did not know of and seeing my life change in ways I had never imagined. This makes one think and truly cherish the time that you have. You really do not know when what will change. And things might just change forever. There would be no chance to see the past, experience it or know what is it that you loved about it. Everything is a one way road. I think I have realized this the hard way. I have started to cherish my days and enjoy them. I know I will never get it back. I need to know that I had everything I wanted, as there is no tomorrow.

Being a parent is a very stressful job and one which might take a toll on your temper too. Days when you want to shout at anyone willing to listen and days when you want to go and sleep the day, or  with a book in bed. Parenting makes you feel loved and wonderful, but it also does make you see how life would be ahead. It’s a different story altogether now and something which would require some getting used to.

The stuff

30 Mar

How much does sex matter when you are a mother?

I think it matters pretty much the same way as for any woman. She has her needs and she would certainly like it to be satisfied by her husband than herself.

Then, do husbands think the wives do not enjoy it anymore? Or is she more interested to be thinking about the child always? What is the reason for husbands to move away from this small thing which makes a hell of a difference?

Do the mother seem non appealing to you … now that she has a child in tow and she is not the free bird who you married? But don’t you forget that you are also a part reason she is a mother too. If because of her being a mother, you find her any less appealing, then maybe its time you thought how this marriage is going to work.

Many mothers would love to have some peace and a warm bed to rest in at night, and someone to hold them and be with them through this taxing time, but if you think thats too much to ask, then again, maybe your concept of a marriage and companionship does not reel in with the modern woman.

Father

10 Mar

When is a father born?

I have heard many times a saying that a mother is born when the child is born. I completely agree with it also. But when is a father born?

When do they start to bond with the child? Is the bonding only there when they are involved in the child’s activities? Or is it that it just finally dawns on then that they have a child now! How does it really work?

I am really perplexed as to how and when do they feel anything for this child that they have fathered. I have a husband who will not  do anything , and by that I mean as a regular routine. Her bath, sleep, feed, nothing. All he does is play with her for exactly 10 mins everyday. Is this because she is too small to demand or she is too small to play with. I play with her, I read her books, he just does not seem to do anything. Is this normal? I am very very disturbed frankly with what I see. Its like I am a single parent at times, except for the monetary aspect.

My daughter turned 10 months, he has not bought her a single toy till date. He feels she has no liking towards toys and she does not need any toy, rather she will play with the toys she has. I feel very sad. I do buy her things, but I feel why is it that he has never had an inclination to buy anything for her. It has been always me who even has to say about getting her new clothes or anything. It just never comes from him.

I am frustrated.

Weight loss post partum

4 Jan

Let us start at the very beginning. I did not put on too many kilos to start with, there was a natural increase, but then that stopped when I delivered and was breast feeding. Now, it has come where I am not breastfeeding actively anymore, as Tee has started on formula feed, and a semi solid diet. This was also accompanied with my increase in waistline. I noticed it almost after a month, as now the body starts to ask for more food, and I do not want to give my body anymore food than required.

Apart from this, I also want to look at exercise, as I see that there is a part of me which has started with the aches and I know this is the inactivity speaking. I feel that I need to get myself together and then alone will I be able to work through this weight putting on phase. Everyone had warned me that you will put on kilos once you stop breastfeeding, and that is something which I have been doing. Now, I have realized that, and now it is time for some control to be enforced and put a stop to the same.

As a start, a check on the food intake and one of the most important things I have seen is that I need to start phase out dinner as a meal, an convert it to small snack. I want to keep breakfast healthy and lunch on a full meal like.

Apart from the food side, I also want to start with an hour long gym session as soon as possible. This will help me curb the inactivity which has set into my life and keep fit. I wish to start off with cardio intensive and then start with weights gradually, but eventually I want to move onto more weights and a very basic cardio workout.

Our first trip

21 Oct

The sheer happiness that I see when she is being strapped onto her car seat and the joy as she sees each car and building pass by is a sight to watch. We went on our first road trip with her, where she is all of 5 months and we drove for 5 -6 hours. She was a perfect travel companion, and saw the world outside, sat in her car seat most of the time, and then let me know with sudden fidgeting that she was hungry or uncomfortable in the car seat.

She was nevertheless, a very adjusting traveller and decided to feed in the car, sleep in her seat, or in my arms. She was not bothered by her co-travellers also too much. She was all in all very adjusting.

One of the main things which I did notice was that, frequent breaks were needed as there is really only so much of looking out of the window a small one can do. They also do not like to be handled by too many people when they are traveling, and as it is in a different environment than what they are used to.

As an after effect of all the traveling, I also noticed that she was slightly constipated, and giving some water was something I wanted to do. I thought they do get tired and thirsty and not being able to give water was an issue which I faced. I tried to feed her many times, so that she is hydrated and eases her stomach. With a bottle of water in hand, it becomes much simpler to soothe a baby. Another thing which I noticed was that a favorite toy was a must. She would spend hours just playing with her toy and in between casually look at the world passing by.

Once we reached our destination, she was also thrilled to be able to relax and stretch herself on a flat surface. I carried with me a piece of her bedding, so that she would be not in a complete alien surrounding. I would be sleeping right beside her, but still. She was quite tired with the sitting and traveling. She slept peacefully through the whole night, and was fresh as a pumpkin the next day to explore the place.

I hope this trip would be a good precursor for many more such wonderful breaks we can take to the places around Bangalore.

Patience is a virtue

1 Oct

Time flies in a day, and so does my patience along with it!

Everyone used to tell me how patient I am with anything that I am assigned to do, and how I do not get flustered when the results do not show as desired. I was very positive about how I would be able to be totally fine with a baby to take care and also of staying at home. But, then came the associated change in life in general. And that was something which I was not ready for. I am good at taking care of Tee, and I am able to understand her needs and ensure the least fuss, be it with eating or sleep or a bath. All that would be valid only till evening, and then that is when I feel that I would just like to rest, put my feet up and not just keep watching her. That is when I feel I need a break. At times I wonder whether I should feel bad about the fact that I am trying to take a break, but I am human after all!  I do know that I miss her when I am away from her for even an hour. Today morning I had to be out for an hour, and she was happy with her dad at home. She did not fuss, nor cry. She was playing and then slept off. But, when I came back and saw her fast asleep, I just felt that I was not there… and the moment she woke up I scooped her up and played with her. Its not guilt.. but I think its the attachment I feel towards her nowadays. I have become so accustomed to being with her the entire day.

I feel anyone stepping in for a few minutes even, so that I can just relax, have a conversation, step out for a while is all that I ask for. I do not really want to be away from her for an extended period of time. I think I am not ready for it, leave alone whether she is ready for it. I did not know that this is a possibility, as I thought I would want to be out and about, enjoy the shopping and all. But, now as I look at it, I enjoy these things when I take her along. I do not mind feeding her where ever possible, but leaving her behind is not something I enjoy doing. I want to show her the world around.

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