Getting back

7 Dec

When you think of kid, you think crying , howling, laughs and giggles, but now I am thinking of how will I leave this bundle and go to work. I am a person who should be working, educated and I do have something which I can give society. All said and done, how do I get myself to leave my daughter and go to work. Initially I just did not think I would be able to leave her in anyone’s care. Then came the time when I thought that I need to let her be alone a little and also I need to let her understand that she will be at places where I will always not be there. This started the whole bit of starting to work part time and also at my convenience. I am not too sure whether  that made much of a difference as I was just away for 2-3 hours a day.

As the new year comes I plan on starting her with play school maybe for a few hours a day. This will make things interesting for her and I will also be able to handle my day better. I can cut back on the hours of help I need and also I would be able to get some amount of work done through the day as I can expect her to be asleep in the afternoons. In spite of knowing all this, I do not see myself going back to corporate work anytime soon. In fact I do not know how I will be able to manage the schedule which I would need to juggle.

How would I drop and pick Tee up? How would I ensure that the help is not letting her watch TV the whole day and do nothing? How would I know that she is eating properly or is she just eating biscuits and being happy?

Maybe I am just obsessive about the level of control I need to have? Am I ? I do not know. But, I can not see any other way to go about it. And when I think of it, I only see this situation worsening if I have another kid, which I do eventually plan to have if all goes well. Given such a situation, I do not see how anything any different is going to happen. In fact, on the contrary, I think things will become a little more difficult.

I have been thinking of starting up something on my own. A source of satisfaction and income for me. I feel that being just a SAHM is not for me. But would I rather be the working full time mom, that is also not a possibility. This leaves just the space where I can start something on my own, and on my own terms.


I am certain there are some thoughts crossing your mind...

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